Mitten’s Math: I Think He Meant 99%, Not 47%

This morning, reading analysis and transcripts and reporting on the secret video tape of former presidential candidate Mitten’s hour spent at a $50,000 a head fundraiser, which was held by a hedge fund manager infamous among neighbors for his wild sex party’s featuring skinny dipping and imported Russian women at his house, I simply cannot tell the difference between Romney and his campaign’s response and this report on The Onion reporting Romney’s response to the video’s revelations.

“First and foremost, I would like to offer a heartfelt apology to all the whores, junkies, bums, and grime-covered derelicts out there who make up nearly half our nation,” a visibly contrite and solemn Romney said outside a campaign stop at a local high school. “Let me assure you that I in no way meant to offend any of the putrid-smelling, barefoot masses out there. My campaign is not about dividing this nation, but about bringing all sides together—the rich, elegant members of the upper class, as well as the 47 percent who are covered in flies and eat directly from back-alley dumpsters.”

“I am fully committed to building a better future for every American,” Romney continued, “and that means ensuring all 150 million grease-and-urine-soaked members of our society get a fair shake.”

“Let me make this absolutely clear: I have the utmost respect for all of the filth-encrusted, lesion-covered degenerates of this nation,” Romney said. “In the coming weeks, I look forward to meeting real Americans in their squalid, roach-infested hellholes in every corner of this country. I promise to stand up for every one of you, even the 47 percent of you huddled together for warmth, fighting your own family members for moldy crusts of bread as you wallow in your own excrement.”

Added Romney, “And I look forward to serving you as your next president.”

Romney Apologizes to Nation’s 150 Million ‘Starving, Filthy Beggars'”

Seriously. As a response, the Romney campaign put out two versions of a video, both now pulled, but archived (Thanks, InnerTubes). The title Mitt’s campaign came up with: “Mitt doesn’t disdain the poor.”

Wow? Why not: “Mitt doesn’t kill cute kittens?” or : “Mitt doesn’t rip the heads off pet bunnies?” or: “Mitt doesn’t rip the flesh of weasels?”.

The saddest rapid response… The Romney campaign just uploaded a video with the title “Ann Romney to FOX31: Mitt Doesn’t Disdain the Poor.” UPDATE: Apparently the campaign has removed the video from its official account. UPDATE 2: Original video from Fox affiliate added.

Ann Romney: Mitt Doesn’t Disdain The Poor

What’s the difference between the Romney campaign response and the The Onion picece? Not sure it is immediately clear.

I would also like to remind Mittens and the GOP that as one of the 47% sucking off the tit of welfare by being on Medicare and Social Security (all of which I paid into every paycheck my whole ***** life), I STILL have to pay tax on 85% of my social security, according to the calculations I did recently trying to plan and deal with the fact that because I worked hard and saved all my life I am still paying taxes out the wazoo even in retirement.

What a moocher and deadbeat welfare queen I am. And paying taxes still at a higher rate than Mittens, based on the 1 and 1/2 tax returns he has deigned to release to the eyes of us plebs! And Mittens quite probably paid NO taxes some years, and may have been among the super rich who sought amnesty a few years ago for nefarious Swiss banking connections and hiding money. But then, who knows, since he will not release his tax returns.

I think the root of Mitt’s problem is he got his math wrong. He meant to refer to the 99% of us freeloaders, since he was clearly talking from the point of view and to the other members of the 1% gathered in his cozy little fund raiser.


Author: Ron